


cul-de-sac

by I__A



Series: dead end [2]
Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Ethan-Centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25193401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I__A/pseuds/I__A
Summary: ethan plants flowers and talks to himself while waiting for mark to come home.the last cycle of a soulmate reincarnation au.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Series: dead end [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826359
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	cul-de-sac

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [one hell of a year](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22013917) by [babyhandsnestor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyhandsnestor/pseuds/babyhandsnestor). 
  * Inspired by [Weird Autumn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410105) by [ChilledLime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChilledLime/pseuds/ChilledLime). 



> i have three really big wips that aren't even close to being ready so in my big brain decisions i am writing a prequel to ‘sadder daze’ instead of working on my other aus >:} pls enjoy some more ethan-centric angst wump

“It's almost three.”

Ethan hums to himself. The stars twinkle against the nebulous night sky, winking at him like a young starlet drinking a colorful, fruity cocktail in a luxurious hotel bar, a coy smile dancing on her cherry lips and teeth shining like new pearls in a jewelry store. He's so far away from the city - millions of dazzling diamonds glittering millions of light years away from him, the soothing crash of the ocean waves wafting that familiar sea-salt breeze he's known his whole life—;

_ an old friend stopping by for tea. _

“Fuck!”

The small  _ buzzzzz _ of a mosquito. He swats an arm at the offending sound. A small ‘tsk’ escapes his lips as he walks to a small clearing, a small satchel of flower seeds in hand. 

Everywhere the eye can see, an ocean of blue flowers flood the land. Random litterings of trees spring up like wooden lighthouses guiding no one and leading to no where, lighthouses glowing a deep indigo in the moonlight. Flower blooms reach their petals up higher and higher into the sky, holding on the the stars and connecting that infinite space into Ethan’s small and finite world.

In that small clearing in the distance, a singular red rose grows underneath a tree. 

Ethan stares at the rose - his bones feel hollow, his muscles weary from waiting. The stars giggle at him, a cascade of bells ringing, ringing, ringing; His only red flower growing in a bed of blue. 

“Hey, you,” Ethan says to the red flower for the umpteenth night since its bloom. “You've been sleeping for a very long time.

“It gets lonely here. When it's just me, I mean. Oh, I won't tell you when you wake up though! I don't want to make you feel guilty. That's not- it just gets a bit repetitive, is all. The, um, the animals, they-they keep me busy and, um, I've been trying to make this place a home for us. I'm useless trying to build, um, stuff, but at least you can't say I tried! Ahaha… Ha… 

“I, ah, I don't remember much, to be honest. You- you're usually the one who's, uh, good with dates, and-and stuff. Um, I, uh, I'm really worthless trying to do anything special for us. Especially since this is our last… Right. I'm sorry, that's my fault. I didn't think that a stupid boy’s wish would come true without there being a price to pay. 

“Oh. I've been growing flowers for you. See? I sleep here sometimes, too. Waiting for you. Look, they're waving hello!”

_ Or is it farewell? _

“I know you're not really the flower type but it's the least I can do. You've done so much for me. In the past. I think. Maybe that's why we won't work out much longer anymore. I feel indebted to you, and maybe- maybe that's wrong? Do you think it's wrong, Mark? I owe you so much, and I want to give you my whole being. I-I want to give you my life, I want to die for you.

“ _ Isn't this what love is _ ?”

The flower doesn't answer.  _ He _ never answers. 

Fifteen and six  years  and he'll never get an answer; he's too late. Ethan doesn't realize how strong he's latching on to the satchel until he hears it break.

Tiny black dots fall like dark rain drops to the ground below. Ethan watches on as the seeds fall further and further from his grasp until his eyes can no longer focus, grains of sand weathering away on the shore into small specks of stars in an infinite galaxy. Ethan lets out a shaky laugh.

“Ah, but I'm still useless, in the end. I can't even manage to grow the red flowers you like so much. No matter what type of seeds I plant, they always come out blue.”

_ Is this why I'll never have you? _

Ethan falls like an old tree - softly, broken, weary - into the soft embrace of the Earth. 

He's tired. He hasn't slept in a very long time. He's too scared that if he blinks he'll miss  _ him  _ \- that he’ll fade from his grasp like an unspoken wish on a unseen meteor flying through the sky.

Fireflies dance a slow dance nearby - Ethan hasn't paid them any attention before. 

“They're pretty.” He turns to the flower watching on. “Don't you think so, Mark?”

_ I'm not good with remembering much of anything, but I remember a life where I used to catch fireflies with you. _

_ I remember your smile, your face, your hands, your body, your warmth - all of you is imprinted in me.  _

_ I remember falling in love with you every single day; the days we spent apart, or the days we got mad at each other and went to bed angry. Even the days when you stopped loving me. I'll never stop loving you. _

“I'll miss you, you know,” he comments out loud. “Not that I don't miss you now, but… I have to let you go soon. I don't want to, though. I'm selfish. I don't care about  Mika  \- I-I just want to be with you. Even if it hurts us- even if it hurts  _ you _ . I want you by my side forever. I'm pathetic. 

_ I don't want to let you go. _

_ …  _

Two arms wrap around his torso - when did Ethan’s eyes fall shut? It doesn't matter; his head tucks itself into a non-existent warm chest out of reflex. A small heartbeat beats through his head and shakes him to the very core

_ his home, in the distance _

He can't help but resist the temptation of giving in. He's been holding out for so long, and he's so tired of being tired. The Earth trembles beneath his fingers. He imagines the voice of his beloved crooning in his ears:

_ “Please go to sleep soon. I'll be waiting for you here when you wake up. I promise.  _

_ “Please, for me.  _

_ “Ethan.” _

“You've been asleep for a very long time,” comes the accusatory remark. 

_ “I'm sorry.” _

“Me too.”

_ “I'll see you soon.” _

…

…

…

“Hey.”

It's almost three.

“Are you awake?”

Ethan hums in agreement. The sun is hot - it's blaring into his eyelids. In the distance, the bells chime. 

“You've been sleeping for a while now.”

It’s almost time to leave.

“Mark?”

Ethan opens his eyes to the sky - pools of honey meet his stare with a soft smile.

“Ethan.”

They intertwine their fingers together - a gravitational attraction pulling them closer to each other. Their hands feel cold against the summer air.

“I love you.”

_ I'm sorry. _

“I love you too.”


End file.
